I really am the authority on my own condition.
#tourettes is horribly misunderstood, even by professionals to the point that I was ignorant about too, up until I discovered I had it at 27ish after going to #therapy for other reasons.
Not even my own #family understood it, particularly my father who never understood #mentalhealth and tried to punish odd behaviors out of myself, my brother and my mom who spent half of my childhood in hospitals as a result of his #abuse.
https://www.europesays.com/?p=2312670 Growing impact of trauma on IDF soldiers, families #Gaza #HarediDraft #idf #IDFReserves #Israel #IsraelHamasWar #jerusalem #MentalHealth #PTSD #suicide
#battlestation upgrade. I moved my desk to the window so I can..you know...be a part of the world. Sorta. And Mackey's kitty tree is right beside my desk so he can still look out and boss me around. I like it! I feel a little more productive. And this is HUGE for me because of my #PTSD and my back is at the door, but Nanny is so good about letting me know when she's there. She's amazing and is VERY conscience of the rules of PTSD. I'm using my headphones! She is fucking AMAZING! #workstation
New preprint: Rosa-Margin Hypothesis – when the vCA1 safety buffer shrinks from 20 → 5 mV, ordinary θ/SWR bursts replay emotional engrams, driving SZ / MDD / PTSD. We quantify every risk factor in mV. Feedback & falsification wanted! 
doi.org/10.31219/osf.io/e4cwb_v1
#Neuroscience #Schizophrenia #Depression #PTSD #OpenScience #FediSci #Hippocampus
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no medical opinions]
I had therapy today for the first time in months (regional Australia has a dire shortage of mental health services), and got to talk with her about how I think I have a touch of the depressions.. she agrees.
She also agrees that it might be SAD, or a VitD deficiency, and is glad I had bloods taken yesterday and will be talking to my endo tomorrow about the results. She didn't have anything to say about the possibility of it being a side effect of my spirolonactone, but I'll ask the endo about that as well.
We did talk about the possibility of it being triggered by Greg leaving or other relationship things and both agree it doesn't seem likely. Or that it's latent grief over my dads death in 2019 being triggered by talking my best friend through his dad's illness and impending passing (we also don't think that's it).
She said that I've done all the good things - deleting tiktok, taking a decreased uni load this semester, talking about it.. and that I just need to keep going back to basics (eating, sleeping, exercising, drinking water), to keep things grounded and continue moving forward..
I did notice that, when we were both about to say I have to keep doing "all the good things", she said "good things" and I said "right things" - so we talked a bit about how those actions don't have a moral value or correctness to them, they're just things I can do that are helpful for my body and ways I can be gentle with myself at the moment.
I have such a headache now, though.. It's also been years since I've come out of therapy with a headache, which I think is indicative of how much I don't want to be there and how much I do need to be there.
Being crazy is hard work.
Teaching with cPTSD is sometimes like
Today is an #emotions processing day and half of it I've spent with wet eyes.
I've been here before in a cycle I can never seem to escape.
Things are calm, and peaceful for a while.
Then something awful happens, my peace is shattered, and I have to face hardship as I have no choice, and go through a period of chaos or extreme change.
I've moved so many times.
I fought many battles I never wanted to at all.
I hope this is the last time.
I'm always ready if it's not.
I am very panicked and on edge today.
I get that way when I don't have anything I need to accomplish. I am task oriented, and while I do like to spontaneously do things too, I like to have a schedule built around some tasks.
A sunday picnic in the park doesn't calm me either as I can't find a place in the #sanfernandovalley where I can peacefully sit, and be left alone.
3 times today someone has come up to me. This time to sell me weed. At least he wasn't rude.
I was talking to a #therapist about how people coming back from #war or awful circumstances get #ptsd in two different ways:
They are traumatized in horrible places they were trying to survive, and get used to those ways over time until it seems normal.
When they survive, they are traumatized adapting to peace as they are left with their thoughts and habits they no longer need.
She asked me if I felt this way.
I definitely do.
I am happy most of the time, though.
Not having a curfew anymore or having to sign in/out with security checks feels strange to me.
This is the usual in shelters, independent living, and recuperative cares - whatever the hell that is supposed to mean as two nearly killed me, I definitely didn't recuperate - which I have been until now for years.
Or in a tent. Possibly a beach (that one was fun).
I come in the door, and then sit there feeling as if something is off for a while.
Then get anxious and leave.
The International Cultic Studies Association has relaunched their library of the International Journal of Coercion, Abuse, and Manipulation, and their older publications going back 40+ years. This is accessible to everyone, not just members. Which is awesome, as time was when this library was only available to paid members.
They also have a lay-person publication, ISCA Today.
Voilà voilà, Netanyahu flingue la société sioniste à lui tout seul. 
Déjà qu'ils sont incapables d'empathie et de compassion, maintenant ils vont finir en HP pour traiter leur stress post traumatique....
Continue comme ça bonhomme.....
> The number of wounded Israeli soldiers since October 7, 2023, has surpassed 18,500, with thousands suffering from severe psychological trauma, according to a report by Yedioth Ahronoth. Projections suggest that the number of wounded could reach 100,000 by 2028.
Citing data from the Israeli Ministry of Security, the report notes that many of these soldiers have not only left military service but also exited the labor market. This dual absence signals a broader impact on the Israeli economy and society.
The report warns that nearly half of the soldiers expected to be injured in the coming years will suffer from mental health issues, particularly post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The growing number of cases has triggered an urgent reassessment of mental health systems, budgets, and treatment strategies.
Source Al mayadeen
The full story about how messed up my week has been.
I am posting a video on #youtube and #scoopz every single time something weird or messed up happens from now on.
Maybe I'll get famous for the survival of the BS #tourettes gets me into.
Thank you everyone!!! Goal met!! 
Viewer discretion is advised #ptsd
#rewatch As an Israeli-made famine spreads across #gaza, representatives of 31 nations convened in Colombia to take collective action against Israel's genocidal regime - The participating states describe themselves as #TheHagueGroup
On Reason2Resist's latest livestream, Rami Yahia and Dimitri Lascaris compare the response of the Global South to the abject failure of Western governments to halt Israel's campaign of extermination
Why do people to think the #fediverse is like Grindr "I don't like what you say. We're not compatible *block*. When talking about #abortion you have to be shocking to rail home the idea that not everyone wants or even likes kids. So people need an exit strategy. Abortion is by far the best one. But infant drop-off locations, no questions asked return periods, like California does. Because that's how infanticide, and...child abuse...like I have #ptsd from happens. I don't want people to have that
Ugh. Nightmares what little sleep I got from my #nixos all nighter..and Nanny decides to start talking to me right off the bat. I think I need to talk to jer again. Do NOT talk to someone with #ptsd when they first wake-up, because they are still sorta in their nightmare and you run the risk of causing a flashback, which if their like me and have dissociative ones, can be dangerous. Let them get their coffee, wake-up a bit and then keep it brief. It takes us longer to become lucid.
Imagine this: You're subjected to increased racist attacks while in prison and once released, there's even more chance of being returned than if you are white.
"Even though I’m free, I ain’t free’ "
"Studies show that Black men who have experienced incarceration have higher rates of PTSD, depression and psychological distress compared with Black men who have never been incarcerated."
#trauma #Black #SystemicRacism
#Psychology #Racism #PTSD
#Depression #MentalHealth
Today is a cozy blanket and Conan trilogy type of day. Woke up at 2:30, couldn't sleep till 5:45, haven't felt great all day. Most days last week were 4-6hrs/night. The often pattern, still no long term solution.
Possibly will watch Young Frankenstein afterwards, or some Studio Ghibli. It's not a Princess Bride kind of feeling sick, not a cold. Feels like neurotransmitter imbalance in the anterior frontal lobe, right at BA10 zone (throbbing, but not yet a migraine).
> The frontal lobe contains most of the dopaminergic neurons in the cerebral cortex. The dopaminergic pathways are associated with reward, attention, short-term memory tasks, planning, and motivation.
I blame an interaction between Bromocriptine (dopamine agonist, tells the brain to create more dopamine) and Prazosin - a non-selective inverse agonist of the α1-adrenergic receptors (which I take for PTSD). Timing for those two are very important, as they are not synergistic.
Sleeping off and on has been very welcome. 
